Rarely do I have: "Oh crap, my nail!" girly moments. And if I do, they only happen when particularly impressive or painful. This morning falls slightly in both categories. My pregnancy nails are apparently strong enough that when one is bent back too far it will not break or tear or do anything to preserve my finger. It will just bend and then make a lovely and vaguely sore bruise-y thing under my nail. My only regret is that I have a red shirt on today and I just don't think the purple bruise matches it well.
Its raining today! I adore the rain and lightening and thunder and storminess. It is like a balm to my soul. And its funny, it seems like the girls respond to it as well. When ever it rains, they seem slightly more active but in that pleasant sort of way that just feels neat. I realize that it's probably their response to the increase in happy serotonin hormones that the rain provokes in me, but I choose to think that they love the rain like their momma.
At about 14 or so weeks, my doctor started asking me if I had felt them move yet. I will admit, I kind of obsessed about it for a while trying to make sure that I wasn't missing them moving by mistaking it for various gastrointestinal events. I asked people what it felt like and looked it up. The most common answers were little wings like birds, butterflies in you belly, or bubbles bursting. Those are lovely, poetic answers that invoke happy rainbow mommy bonding feelings. But I have to say that feeling our daughters move inside me feels like....something moving inside me. Sorry to sound so blunt and maybe I have just been a science fiction fan for too long but it just feels like something moving. It is so unlike any other sensation I have ever experienced that it renders all other comparisons useless. It is vaguely alien perhaps, both in the sense of it being completely different and feeling like there is an alien nesting in my abdomen. At 22 weeks, I look more pregnant with each passing day and I am really looking forward to moving completely past that whole "is she pregnant or just rocking the beer gut" stage.
I do adore feeling them move. Especially first thing in the morning when I lay on my back for just a few minutes. After all night of being on one side or the other, they seem to protest this the most and I get an adorable baby head or bottom pressed against my belly button. That is another sensation altogether. I mean, messing with your belly button from the outside feels weird enough, and it feels almost the same when being messed with from the inside but with that surreal backwards feeling. It makes me giggle every time.
At our last ultrasound, they were complete wiggle worms. Aislynn moved around a bit during her pictures and measurements but then when they moved to Norah, Aislynn decided that would be a good time to show off her legs and kick her sister in the head through their membrane separating them. It was too funny. And Norah decided after being good during Aislynn's pictures, that she didn't feel like her photo opp that day and did everything she could to protest it. At one point even pressing her arm/hand up against where the US probe was pressing down on my belly. Lemme tell ya, that hurt! But we couldn't help but laugh at our contrary children.
We did get a small bit of really good news. At our Barnes appointment, the doctor warned us that Aislynn may not be able to swallow any of the amniotic fluid which could lead to increases in fluid pressure and could cause me to go into preterm labor. But our brave girl found a way. We saw her swallow and her tongue move and she even got the hiccups. She is doing everything she can to protect her sister and make sure that Norah has all the time she needs to grow and develop to be born safely. Aislynn is growing at the same rate as her sister, reassuring us that she is tough and will be our little superhero and stay with us for as long as she can.
We are doing well with our girls and our new reality. I think we are, at least. Progress on the room for Norah has slowed but not completely stopped. We are determined to get it ready and painted and a new door and ceiling fan fairly soon. The baby stuff will probably wait until after my baby shower. I am still just not ready to pick out baby stuff for one daughter when I can feel both of my precious girls. And the fear that we will not get to bring anyone home still plagues me often enough that I just can't bring myself to get baby stuff. I don't think I could handle having a bunch of baby stuff in our home and then lose them both. This is a process, this weird kind of grief/joy/heartache/celebration, and we are doing what we can to take each step each day. Jay is an amazing dad already. Not that I had any doubt of that, but to see it in action is kind of breath-taking. Its hard to describe how he does this already but I guess its just in the way he talks to them both and rubs my belly. The look on his face when I had him hurry over to feel that head/bottom pressing against my belly button is something I will never ever forget.
So that's us for now. Bye!
