Okay so I don't want for this to be a downer post so I'll make it a serious stuff sandwich. Let's start with something entirely pedestrian and done for ironic effect: the weather! How awesome is this cool weather? It's like a reminder, a promise that fall is indeed on its way bringing that wondrous gift, open windows.
First part of the sandwich, done. Now for something that has been weighing on me to say for a while. Thankfully I haven't had to deal with the death of a parent or sibling, so I can't speak to how that feels. But I have lost two children. Yes, two. And I didn't really even know how to miss the first miscarried little baby until we buried our beautiful Aislynn. Time does start to lessen the razor edge of grief, at least it has for me over the last nearly 10 months since I last felt my girl move within me and then held her little body. But I think that when you lose a child, no matter how long you had this child...days, weeks, months or years...no matter whether you held them in your arms or only held them within your body, I think there is always a voice yelling in the back of your mind that it isn't right, it isn't fair that this soul was taken. Some days the voice can be barely heard, and others it seems to be the only thing filling my head. I can even go days without even hearing it at all. But it is there. I think this is because something in our hearts, something whispered into our very souls when we were still in the womb, and we know that this world is not what was intended for us. So I send a hug out to every mother who has to wait a little longer to hold her babies again. The babies we have here are a constant source of joy but that doesn't mean we don't ache for the babies we are waiting to cuddle.
Now, part the last. Norah has decided to start sleeping in and I'm not sure I like it. Crazy, right? She goes to bed around 8pm-ish, still gets up at night (thank you teething and separation anxiety stage) but has decided not to get up until like 8am! I really need to start setting a non-baby alarm so that I can take advantage this. It just feels so odd to be eating breakfast at 830 after I had gotten used to being back from our walk and nearing nap time 830am. Now nap time has gotten moved to like 1030ish making lunch time whenever this sleepy head wakes up. It is right now 1pm and she is still napping. Late lunches mean late afternoon naps, at like 4pm and then I have to wake her up at like 530 just so she is awake enough to eat supper and get wore out playing again by bed time. And for those who would encourage me to try to skip an afternoon nap to make sure she is plenty tired at bedtime and sleeps through the night, I thumb my nose at you. We tried that yesterday, even went to a lovely friend's house to play and change up the scenery. She got up three times last night, four if you count when I laid her back down at 440am and then had to get back up at 450am to help her back to sleep. Only one of those was a bottle, 3am. And if I try the whole "cry it out" business, it just means I have to change the sheets cause she cries so hard she vomits and then the night is over.
On a more pleasant note, this little daredevil has really discovered she likes to be left to her own devices so she can show mommy how ill-prepared the house was for a mobile baby. It almost feels like she wakes up in the morning with the goal of breaking her nose or getting a concussion. But she still crawls over for cuddles. She is the cuddliest baby I have ever seen. She gives gentle little head-butts when we're holding her, especially for her daddy, and is even starting to give kisses, but only randomly, not when asked. She gives hugs when we pick her up out of her bed by laying her head on our shoulder for a moment. She smiles at me when we are rocking and I start to sing one of her songs. Norah would rather have just something bit of household something to play with than most of her toys. She is a demon in her rolling-walker thing and the cats are not fond of this at all. Nor are mommy and daddy's toes. But she would still rather be on the floor to see how much cat hair she can find mommy has missed with the broom. Norah gets all excited when either of her grandma's are on the phone. It is so neat to see her face light up when she hears their voices. She knows her daddy's ringtone on my phone and if she hears it, the conversation must be put on speaker so she can hear daddy's voice. In just two and a half months my little baby will be a whole year old. Planning a birthday party seems so surreal and like normal mom-ness, that it is strange to think that this is me doing it.
Well, I think that's this sammich done. Hope it was good and causes no indigestion ;)
And there she is, right on cue, how does she do that?
