So Norah is six months old. Crazy, right?! Right now she is sitting between Jay's legs playing with this kind of musical walk-behind toy. She's sitting in front of it pressing the buttons and chattering and laughing. I can hardly believe this is the same tiny little baby I first saw in the heated bed in the NICU 6 months and 4 days ago. Its 4pm now and that's about the exact time I first got out of bed and made it to a wheelchair to be taken down to see her.
I have changed so much in the last six months. I have learned things about myself, good and bad. Turns out I do have the will to be dog tired and still somehow have a cheerful voice when she gets up from a nap. Turns out I do have the will to do housework when all I want to do is sit down. But it also turns out I have a temper. I am prone to yell when things don't go how my mind has decided, but I am working on that. I have learned how to let go of what I look like. That kind of happened on its own. One day I just fixed the ponytail my hair was in, made sure I had deodorant and clean (-ish, I'm not gonna lie) clothes on and left the house bound for the store or something. I realized later that I really didn't care what I looked like. I like rockin' the "mother of a baby" look.
[Oh dear lord, I have dueling farters on my floor. I'm taking bets for who will win, Jay or Norah.]
I am getting used to the housewife thing, too. I love being home, but I'm gonna say it for the stay at home moms who feel they can't, it is not always easy or fun and I don't always enjoy it. I am incredibly thankful God has blessed us with the means to let me stay home and care for my family but that doesn't mean its always roses and rainbows. And I've learned that its okay that I feel like that. I've learned that I can be a crazy, nerdy, sarcastic, goofy mom who quotes science fiction at her child and has phone ring tones from her favorite TV show. Being goofy means that I can turn cleaning the kitchen into aerobic exercise with the help of Veggie Tails Silly Songs by dancing around the room and singing loudly to entertain the baby happily drooling in her swing. And being nerdy means that I will never think any of the imaginary friend games Norah plays is weird, in fact I will probably join in and help her turn household items into whatever her character needs.
There is another side to this milestone as there will be for every milestone Norah ever reaches. It has been six months since Aislynn died. It has been six months since I held my baby and kissed her. And I know where she is and I know I will see her again but I still miss her here. I think sometimes I still feel like we have to get everything we can out of every moment with Norah because she will be gone soon. We had such a deadline with Aislynn, we had to get everything we could out of every moment of the pregnancy and then out of every moment of her too short life. Now not having so much of a deadline is kind of hard to get used to. I know its good that I'm savoring every moment with Norah because "it will be over so fast" but it really isn't good for this mother's peace of mind to think of who I would call first if Norah is just gone when I wake up in the morning. But I am working on that, too. It really comes down to trust. I have to just trust that my prayers are being heard and that God's plan is for Norah to stay here with us. And most of the time I do. There's just those moments, ya know?
I went from a tiny baby, not even five pounds when we brought her home, to a rolling-over, interactive seventeen and a half pound baby in such a short time. She loves to be outside, loves to watch the cats, and she loves loves loves her Daddy. Daddy coming home is definitely the highlight of our day. She smiles and wiggles all over when her Daddy smiles at her. And she smiles at her grandparents now, too. She smiles at people in general cause she's Jay's child and likes an audience but she smiles quickly and big for all of her grandparents. This little person who was the size of a poppy seed when we found out about her and then went to having her head shoved under my left ribs is now showing personality. Wild.
Well this little bundle of personality and drool is upset and wants supper. So I will sign off for now. The past six months have been so wonderful, I can't even imagine what the next six months will bring. One thing's for certain, it's gonna be fantastic.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Us now that its April and my latest lessons learnt
Wow I haven't posted in like two months. I honestly didn't think it had been that long. Well, its Norah's fault, her and her non-napping ways. And my house's fault, with its tendency to get dirty and then not clean itself. But as the pictures on my facebook page suggest, she is growing and smiling and doing well. She rolled over from back to belly so now that is a new adventure. To go into the kitchen for something and leave her safe on her playmat in the living room, then hearing some odd thumping noises and noises from her and come back to see that she has rolled onto the hardwood. She hasn't quite got getting from her belly to her back down, so she frequently gets angry that she's stuck on her belly. She is grabbing somethings. She has a favorite rattle that she will always reach for. And her Bobee the bear she will reach for him and even pull him to her mouth to eat his face. I believe we are starting our teething adventure so her hands get gnawed on quite a bit and she had discovered that her favorite thing is to chew on her thumb. She doesn't suck it, just chews, so hopefully she won't start sucking her thumb. She is only a paci girl when she is tired and fighting sleep.
And Momma has to rock her to sleep or at least hold her. I know, I know, I will regret this when she gets bigger/older and I will regret it if we get to have another one soon and I will regret this when bla bla bla bla... I have heard it all. Well here is my side: this baby had/has bad acid reflux so when she was very little and pretty much went back to sleep after every feeding I had to hold her for a bit to make it easier for her food to stay down. So it started there. Then we have that she is a stubborn child who will cry and cry until she either makes herself sick or only has the energy for weak little cries but still cries without going to sleep. So yes, I hold her so she will go to sleep and rest. And yes, I'm probably guilty of holding her too long while she sleeps, but that is what I feel she needs. I don't go running to her at every sound and I do let her fall back asleep on her own if she will, but I do go to her if I feel like her cry is saying she needs me.
My big lesson that I am still learning is that darn it, she is my child, mine and Jay's and although the advice we have gotten is appreciated and sometimes has been a life saver, I just have to go with what she needs or wants or what works for us. I found today that she eats better if I wait till she's tired then feed her before laying her down for a nap. This discovery has come after weeks of barely being able to get any food down her, and watching her wet diaper count decrease, and being so worried about how hard feedings are going to be that I don't want to leave the house. So, if it works, this is what I will do because she's mine.
Putting away my soap box for the time being, how awesome is it that its spring? The days are so much easier when we can work a nice long walk in there. Good for baby and baby's mood, good for mommy and mommy's waist line. Norah loves being outside, I think, so we take good walks all around town. I think my goal is to walk every street on the west side of Herrin by fall. I take a new path everyday, just kind of wandering around.
I go to the Mission: Motherhood group at our church and we read a book recently called Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. I would recommend this to every mother or really anyone who spends lots of time with kids, parent or not. You all know I'm not so big on the non-fiction, parenting, "Christian" books but this one really is good and has so many wonderful ideas and theories about this parenting thing, way too many to try to list here. One big idea from the book is "The state of my heart is the state of my home." Basically that I set the tone in my home and if I'm bitter or angry or mopey, that is what my home is going to be. But if I can set that aside just for a bit, even if I have to muster every ounce of energy to fake a smile and pleasant tone, I won't have to fake it for very long. Norah picks up on my moods and its almost like my moods radiate off the walls and bounce back to me. So if I can just shake off whatever has me messed up, just for a little bit, my home will feel better and I will be better. Another big help from the book is the idea that anything, well almost anything, will be over or different in 20 minutes. If you can just work through it or endure for 20 minutes, the situation will probably be different. This idea has given me so much perspective on her crying and eating issues and new teething fussiness.
So that's where I'm at lately. And now my messy kitchen is calling me and the rug may need vacuumed. Tell ya what though, my messy house and unfolded clothes and dirty dishes mean that I spend more time playing with my daughter during the day and talking with my husband at night than worrying about how clean my house is. And that makes me happy, makes me feel like I got something right.
And Momma has to rock her to sleep or at least hold her. I know, I know, I will regret this when she gets bigger/older and I will regret it if we get to have another one soon and I will regret this when bla bla bla bla... I have heard it all. Well here is my side: this baby had/has bad acid reflux so when she was very little and pretty much went back to sleep after every feeding I had to hold her for a bit to make it easier for her food to stay down. So it started there. Then we have that she is a stubborn child who will cry and cry until she either makes herself sick or only has the energy for weak little cries but still cries without going to sleep. So yes, I hold her so she will go to sleep and rest. And yes, I'm probably guilty of holding her too long while she sleeps, but that is what I feel she needs. I don't go running to her at every sound and I do let her fall back asleep on her own if she will, but I do go to her if I feel like her cry is saying she needs me.
My big lesson that I am still learning is that darn it, she is my child, mine and Jay's and although the advice we have gotten is appreciated and sometimes has been a life saver, I just have to go with what she needs or wants or what works for us. I found today that she eats better if I wait till she's tired then feed her before laying her down for a nap. This discovery has come after weeks of barely being able to get any food down her, and watching her wet diaper count decrease, and being so worried about how hard feedings are going to be that I don't want to leave the house. So, if it works, this is what I will do because she's mine.
Putting away my soap box for the time being, how awesome is it that its spring? The days are so much easier when we can work a nice long walk in there. Good for baby and baby's mood, good for mommy and mommy's waist line. Norah loves being outside, I think, so we take good walks all around town. I think my goal is to walk every street on the west side of Herrin by fall. I take a new path everyday, just kind of wandering around.
I go to the Mission: Motherhood group at our church and we read a book recently called Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. I would recommend this to every mother or really anyone who spends lots of time with kids, parent or not. You all know I'm not so big on the non-fiction, parenting, "Christian" books but this one really is good and has so many wonderful ideas and theories about this parenting thing, way too many to try to list here. One big idea from the book is "The state of my heart is the state of my home." Basically that I set the tone in my home and if I'm bitter or angry or mopey, that is what my home is going to be. But if I can set that aside just for a bit, even if I have to muster every ounce of energy to fake a smile and pleasant tone, I won't have to fake it for very long. Norah picks up on my moods and its almost like my moods radiate off the walls and bounce back to me. So if I can just shake off whatever has me messed up, just for a little bit, my home will feel better and I will be better. Another big help from the book is the idea that anything, well almost anything, will be over or different in 20 minutes. If you can just work through it or endure for 20 minutes, the situation will probably be different. This idea has given me so much perspective on her crying and eating issues and new teething fussiness.
So that's where I'm at lately. And now my messy kitchen is calling me and the rug may need vacuumed. Tell ya what though, my messy house and unfolded clothes and dirty dishes mean that I spend more time playing with my daughter during the day and talking with my husband at night than worrying about how clean my house is. And that makes me happy, makes me feel like I got something right.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)