Unstuffed Cabbage Rolls (the real kind)

Here is my version of unstuffed cabbage rolls.  Cabbage rolls are supposed to be in a kind of sweet and sour tomato sauce and that other recipe didn't have that.  I worked this version out two nights ago for supper and it was so good.  

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds ground beef

1 large onion, chopped

1 small cabbage, chopped

28oz can crushed tomatoes

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp ground black pepper

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/8 tsp ground cloves

4 tbsp light brown sugar

3 tbsp lemon juice 

Preparation:

In a small stock pot, sauté ground beef and onions until ground beef is browned through, drain if needed.  Add chopped cabbage and sauté until cabbage starts to soften, about 3-5 minutes.  

Add tomatoes, salt, pepper, garlic powder, cloves, brown sugar.  Bring to simmer over medium high heat then reduce heat to low, stirring occasionally.  Add lemon juice.  Simmer for 20 to 30 minutes until cabbage is tender.  Serve over rice (and by rice, I mean good buttered rice).

[Notes: I say use a stock pot because my cabbage was probably more medium than small but we really like cabbage and cabbage is cheap and an excellent way to stretch a meal and make it huge.  But if your cabbage is actually small, a good big deep sided skillet would work.  And if cloves aren't your thing, nutmeg or even cinnamon would be good in this, too.  I use any of the three for regular cabbage rolls.]

Enjoy!!!  

July 11th and our Big Girl

This is not going to be perhaps the happiest of posts.  Not that I'm feeling that maudlin today, I just feel the need to note the day.  Well, note yesterday, that is.  Yesterday was July 11th.  Jay's bestest friend Rob's birthday (Muy Happy Birthday, Roberto (tardio)).  But its also the date that last year we found out that one of our babies was not going to stay here with us.  We didn't even know they were girls yet.  We had been hoping to find out on that day at St. Francis but instead the doctor saw something wrong.  His reaction was terrible.  I'm sure he's usually a good doctor but his bedside manner on that day was horrible.  He didn't tell us well and then made me feel like I was overreacting for instantly bursting into tears when he wanted to double check his diagnosis.  We did talk to our OB while in the office with the doctor in Cape.  My main question for him, and I remember exactly what I said, "I just don't see how the other can be fine if the one is...." and I trailed off.  He reassured me that we would find out more and do everything we could to make sure our other baby was healthy.  It would be another nine days until we would find out they were girls and it was Norah I was so worried about and Aislynn to whom we would say goodbye far too soon.

We sat in the hallway after the appointment.  I sobbed, Jay was fighting it back to be strong for me. I had to run back into the office to be sick in the bathroom.  The nurse who had been so wonderful while the doctor was so terrible came in and basically held me upright while my world shattered and came up from my stomach.  Her name we Betsy and she even called that evening, after she was off work, just to make sure we had made it home okay.

The following days and weeks were just survival and doctor's appointments.  We found such support during that time.  Our doctor opened his heart to us and helped us see that everything we were feeling was fine.  One of my unexpected breakdown moments came the following Monday.  Our doctor's appointment with Dr. Meyer, our wonderful OB, had been on a Friday.  I got a phone call on my way home from work on Monday from Dr. Meyer's nurse, Jen, saying that my ketones had been too high on Friday and she wanted me to come in right then to have that tested.  If they were still so high, I would need IV fluids and have to stay there for at least a few hours.  I lost it.  For those playing the home game, when the body is not being fed enough carbohydrates, it starts digesting body fat.  Ketones are the byproduct of that process and are very bad for growing babies.  And I felt like I may have been further harming my poor babies.  My ketones were actually fine when they tested them and Jen let me cry for a while sitting outside the lab room while she just sat there.

I'm not sure why I suddenly found the need to recount those days for you.  Hope you don't mind.  I wasn't as sad yesterday as I was afraid I would be.  Its not only that I miss Aislynn, and oh my do I miss my girl.  I also miss that feeling before we knew.  Before we knew how bittersweet having our girls would be.

But how do we carry on?  We carry on by taking care of what Aislynn gave us: Norah, our huge healthy girl.  When I last weighed her at my mom's house for the purposes of figuring out Tylenol dosage, she was 21 lbs.  Dude, right?  And because when we registered for a car seat we had no idea to check for weight limits, we are now looking at buying a new one that will convert to forward facing when she is ready for that.  On my birthday, Monday I walked into the living room, having been summoned by my fussy girl's displeasure at my absence, and I find this child sitting up.  Like sitting up on her own, having gotten that way on her own.  She is doing this kind of side-winder scooting crawl thing to move around the room and had been half sitting, propped up on one arm thing for a while.  But now today she is acting like sitting is no big deal.  Have we had some head thumps on the floor?  Yes.  We have even christened the entertainment center with a good head thump.  But she is sitting up.  I am very proud.  Even though I know she hasn't really grown that much in the last week but she looks so much bigger sitting up on her own with her two teeth and silly sounds.  Aislynn must be so proud of her sister.  Jay and I sure are.

Lots of stuff.....hang in there with me

So it turns out that being a mom leaves little time to write blog things, who knew? :)

So food has become like a big thing.  We are up to three nice real meals like big people, breakfast, lunch, and supper with around three bottles milk mixed in.  And she really likes it.  Peaches wasn't a big winner the other day but it was the first time so we'll give it another go another time.  And applesauce is a surprise fave after the horrible first time she had it.  She loves her veggies most, though.  She even likes her oatmeal and rice cereal.  She gets oatmeal for breakfast with fruit, lunch is veggies with a little bit of fruit if she wants, and then veggies and pruney rice for supper.  Ahh pruney rice.  You see I read somewhere that rice cereal especially can cause some poopy problems and Norah is already a bit prone to have such issues, so we fix it with making the rice with prune juice.  But the child doesn't like it just made with prune juice, she wants both the milk in it and prune juice.  I know sounds totally gross but she likes it and it well, not to put too fine a point on it, it keeps things movin'.

We also have a big announcement to make.  Norah has a tooth!  Her bottom front right one.  She had been having a terrible time a couple of weeks ago, like horrible.  So horrible I was ready to conclude I had suddenly become a horrible mother.  Then, exactly one week after Memorial Day, she wanted to chew on my finger, like she has been for a while, and it felt like she had a very sharp rock in there.  It hurt!  But I was very happy/relieved that there was a purpose to all we went through.  Now I am handling her crazy screaming crying and anger with more "Melinda-style" calmness and humor because I know what it wrong and it isn't me.

She is starting to work on the crawling thing, too.  She gets up on her hands and knees, or more often elbows and knees but then her knees slide down and she goes backwards.  Its kind of sad/funny to watch her get so irritated that the toy she wants is getting farther away from her.  That is until she realizes that she had hit the hardwood and can now just scoot herself around.  Its kind of like a game to pop into the kitchen and come back and have to find the baby.

She laughs all the time now.  And the poor child has inherited my laugh.  It has been confirmed both by her father and by my best friend.  I can't even really describe it, maybe one of the previously mentioned parties can describe it but it is my laugh.  It is cuter on her than it is on me though.

What else, umm...I've been yard sale-ing and even got to haggle with a very nice lady for some wooden blocks and she let me have them for what I asked.  Go me.  I got lots of clothes for her, mostly for the future cause I feel grown up when I do stuff like that.  I think I am planning on moving all of our movies into a CD case thing and maybe use the entertainment center for some of her toys and books.  I had to buy an 18 month swimsuit to fit my long torso-ed baby girl.  I have a toaster oven in my living room still in the box because even though I know it won't fit in our kitchen I want it bad enough that I still can't admit it.

So with this blog I have opened up lots of my life and I think have benefited from it.  So here is the gate opening to a mine field (be gentle).  I have been walking with Norah like four or five days a week, whenever we can.  I actually only gained like 6lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight while carrying the girls (thank you morning sickness that lasted all day for months) so when I had them, I lost like 40lbs very fast.  And I have kept that off.  I know, shouldn't be that big of a deal but I have kept it off while being home with snacks near to me.  As of my last drs appt, I have even lost a couple of more.  This needs to be like the church thing, where nobody says too much, I just get to open up about it.  I like walking with her, even bought a pedometer so I can make sure I walk as far as I intend to.  The stroller my grandparents bought us is sure getting lots of use.  So there's that.  I just wanted to write it down somewhere so that it was in the world.  I don't have any real goals that will make me crazy and sabotage my self worth even more than it's already damaged, I just am going to go on long walks with my daughter at a fairly brisk pace and try not to only eat cookies we get home.  That is all.  

And I think that's all I got for now.  Thanks for reading.  Now stand up!  Everybody do the Hot Dog Dance!  Hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog!  We got it ears, its time for cheers!  Hot dog hot dog, oh problem soollllved!!!  Hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog.....

God Bless Green Beans

Ummmm...ya know, starting a post is a bit daunting.  I know what I want to tell you but starting it is kind of hard without sounding dumb.  And since this beginning is a little dumb, I feel like I've met some kind of requirement.  On to the other stuff!

So for some reason starting a few days ago something about this whole eating thing clicked.  I'm going to credit the squash.  It was the first food she liked, like actually liked to eat and kept in her mouth.  So then we added pears, maybe.  I say maybe because when I'd give her pears she would get thoughtful like she wasn't sure she liked them.  Then two days ago we liked pears, officially liked pears.  Okay, good.  Then yesterday oatmeal seemed better and we ate most of our oatmeal and a good amount of pears.  Alright, now we're talkin'.  Then yesterday we had a breakthrough.  Green beans had been a surprise like two days ago but yesterday it was like they were old pals.  She was actually slurping them off of the spoon, waiting for each bite.  I was so excited and may have squealed a little bit.  But this was big news!

And then this morning.  Oh this morning.  She became a big girl in her sleep or something because she ate all her oatmeal, which was like a quarter cup, and then ate a good amount of pears, too!  She was like actually eating each bite not just squirting it through her lips and me shoving it back in.  We ate breakfast, together actually.  Norah and I ate our breakfast together.  I feel like super mom or something.  My child eats food.

Speaking of sleeping, we've had some good there, too.  We had went through a few weeks of getting up at around 1am and at like 430 or 5am.  She only wants milk one of those times, but needs the comfort the other.  Well the last two nights she only woke up at 430 or 5am for a couple of ounces and then wanted laid back down.  Not rocked to sleep, laid back down to go to sleep.  I know that is good, the not having to rock her, but I told Jay it makes me feel a little un-needed.  But proud of her that she is learning that her bed is safe and if she goes there to go to sleep, mommy will still come if she needs me.  Proud of us, too, that Jay and I have made a home that she feels good in.  I know the sleep thing is probably just because of how crazy busy we have been lately but still.  I mean, this morning after laying her back down at 5, we slept till 8.  8AM!!  I haven't slept that late since before the girls were born.

We have been so busy because of my awesome siblings graduating things.  Gwendy graduated from SEMO last Saturday and Trevor graduated 8th grade last night.  It's funny, they make me feel older than having a child does.  Surely my little sister is still covered with mud, sporting wind blown hair and a kool-aid smile.  And Trevor must still be a little drooly boy, giggling from underneath a clothes basket.  I am very proud of both of them.  And they are so cool.  Like way cooler than I could ever be.  Gwendy has always been so confident and fun and kind and delightfully goofy, and she has just gotten more awesome.  Trevor is so laid back and calm, but with a killer wit and sharp sarcastic sense of humor.

Jay and I are good, having a baby will change any relationship and with our girls, the changes and challenges were pretty big.  It has really shown me that we really can make it.  That's what we've always said when something happened or changed, that we always make it, him and me together, we make it.  Well, that is very true.  God gave us to the other and we were really meant to be.  Our seven year wedding anniversary is in 10 days.  As of April, we had been together (dating, engaged and married) for a whole decade.  We have changed but we have done so together and have been able to get to know each other over and over again.  We are going for a little mini get-away next weekend for our anniversary and Miss Norah is staying with my parents for a whole weekend, Saturday morning to like Sunday afternoon.  I am a little nervous but very very excited to spend all that time with my husband just as his wife again.

So that's us right now.  My baby is actually napping and I'm going to get another cup of tea and enjoy the rain-threatening breeze floating through my house.  Peace out!!

Six Months in the Books

So Norah is six months old.  Crazy, right?!  Right now she is sitting between Jay's legs playing with this kind of musical walk-behind toy.  She's sitting in front of it pressing the buttons and chattering and laughing.  I can hardly believe this is the same tiny little baby I first saw in the heated bed in the NICU 6 months and 4 days ago.  Its 4pm now and that's about the exact time I first got out of bed and made it to a wheelchair to be taken down to see her.

I have changed so much in the last six months.  I have learned things about myself, good and bad.  Turns out I do have the will to be dog tired and still somehow have a cheerful voice when she gets up from a nap.  Turns out I do have the will to do housework when all I want to do is sit down.  But it also turns out I have a temper.  I am prone to yell when things don't go how my mind has decided, but I am working on that.  I have learned how to let go of what I look like.  That kind of happened on its own.  One day I just fixed the ponytail my hair was in, made sure I had deodorant and clean (-ish, I'm not gonna lie) clothes on and left the house bound for the store or something.  I realized later that I really didn't care what I looked like.  I like rockin' the "mother of a baby" look.
[Oh dear lord, I have dueling farters on my floor.  I'm taking bets for who will win, Jay or Norah.]

I am getting used to the housewife thing, too.  I love being home, but I'm gonna say it for the stay at home moms who feel they can't, it is not always easy or fun and I don't always enjoy it.  I am incredibly thankful God has blessed us with the means to let me stay home and care for my family but that doesn't mean its always roses and rainbows.  And I've learned that its okay that I feel like that.  I've learned that I can be a crazy, nerdy, sarcastic, goofy mom who quotes science fiction at her child and has phone ring tones from her favorite TV show.  Being goofy means that I can turn cleaning the kitchen into aerobic exercise with the help of Veggie Tails Silly Songs by dancing around the room and singing loudly to entertain the baby happily drooling in her swing.  And being nerdy means that I will never think any of the imaginary friend games Norah plays is weird, in fact I will probably join in and help her turn household items into whatever her character needs.

There is another side to this milestone as there will be for every milestone Norah ever reaches.  It has been six months since Aislynn died.  It has been six months since I held my baby and kissed her.  And I know where she is and I know I will see her again but I still miss her here.  I think sometimes I still feel like we have to get everything we can out of every moment with Norah because she will be gone soon.  We had such a deadline with Aislynn, we had to get everything we could out of every moment of the pregnancy and then out of every moment of her too short life.  Now not having so much of a deadline is kind of hard to get used to.  I know its good that I'm savoring every moment with Norah because "it will be over so fast" but it really isn't good for this mother's peace of mind to think of who I would call first if Norah is just gone when I wake up in the morning.  But I am working on that, too.  It really comes down to trust.  I have to just trust that my prayers are being heard and that God's plan is for Norah to stay here with us.  And most of the time I do.  There's just those moments, ya know?

I went from a tiny baby, not even five pounds when we brought her home, to a rolling-over, interactive seventeen and a half pound baby in such a short time.  She loves to be outside, loves to watch the cats, and she loves loves loves her Daddy.  Daddy coming home is definitely the highlight of our day.  She smiles and wiggles all over when her Daddy smiles at her.  And she smiles at her grandparents now, too.  She smiles at people in general cause she's Jay's child and likes an audience but she smiles quickly and big for all of her grandparents.  This little person who was the size of a poppy seed when we found out about her and then went to having her head shoved under my left ribs is now showing personality.  Wild.

Well this little bundle of personality and drool is upset and wants supper.  So I will sign off for now.  The past six months have been so wonderful, I can't even imagine what the next six months will bring.  One thing's for certain, it's gonna be fantastic.

Us now that its April and my latest lessons learnt

Wow I haven't posted in like two months.  I honestly didn't think it had been that long.  Well, its Norah's fault, her and her non-napping ways.  And my house's fault, with its tendency to get dirty and then not clean itself.  But as the pictures on my facebook page suggest, she is growing and smiling and doing well.  She rolled over from back to belly so now that is a new adventure.  To go into the kitchen for something and leave her safe on her playmat in the living room, then hearing some odd thumping noises and noises from her and come back to see that she has rolled onto the hardwood.  She hasn't quite got getting from her belly to her back down, so she frequently gets angry that she's stuck on her belly.  She is grabbing somethings.  She has a favorite rattle that she will always reach for.  And her Bobee the bear she will reach for him and even pull him to her mouth to eat his face.  I believe we are starting our teething adventure so her hands get gnawed on quite a bit and she had discovered that her favorite thing is to chew on her thumb.  She doesn't suck it, just chews, so hopefully she won't start sucking her thumb.  She is only a paci girl when she is tired and fighting sleep.

And Momma has to rock her to sleep or at least hold her.  I know, I know, I will regret this when she gets bigger/older and I will regret it if we get to have another one soon and I will regret this when bla bla bla bla... I have heard it all.  Well here is my side:  this baby had/has bad acid reflux so when she was very little and pretty much went back to sleep after every feeding I had to hold her for a bit to make it easier for her food to stay down.  So it started there.  Then we have that she is a stubborn child who will cry and cry until she either makes herself sick or only has the energy for weak little cries but still cries without going to sleep.  So yes, I hold her so she will go to sleep and rest.  And yes, I'm probably guilty of holding her too long while she sleeps, but that is what I feel she needs.  I don't go running to her at every sound and I do let her fall back asleep on her own if she will, but I do go to her if I feel like her cry is saying she needs me.

My big lesson that I am still learning is that darn it, she is my child, mine and Jay's and although the advice we have gotten is appreciated and sometimes has been a life saver, I just have to go with what she needs or wants or what works for us.  I found today that she eats better if I wait till she's tired then feed her before laying her down for a nap.  This discovery has come after weeks of barely being able to get any food down her, and watching her wet diaper count decrease, and being so worried about how hard feedings are going to be that I don't want to leave the house.  So, if it works, this is what I will do because she's mine.

Putting away my soap box for the time being, how awesome is it that its spring?  The days are so much easier when we can work a nice long walk in there.  Good for baby and baby's mood, good for mommy and mommy's waist line.  Norah loves being outside, I think, so we take good walks all around town.  I think my goal is to walk every street on the west side of Herrin by fall.  I take a new path everyday, just kind of wandering around.

I go to the Mission: Motherhood group at our church and we read a book recently called Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches.  I would recommend this to every mother or really anyone who spends lots of time with kids, parent or not.  You all know I'm not so big on the non-fiction, parenting, "Christian" books but this one really is good and has so many wonderful ideas and theories about this parenting thing, way too many to try to list here.  One big idea from the book is "The state of my heart is the state of my home."  Basically that I set the tone in my home and if I'm bitter or angry or mopey, that is what my home is going to be.  But if I can set that aside just for a bit, even if I have to muster every ounce of energy to fake a smile and pleasant tone, I won't have to fake it for very long.  Norah picks up on my moods and its almost like my moods radiate off the walls and bounce back to me.  So if I can just shake off whatever has me messed up, just for a little bit, my home will feel better and I will be better.  Another big help from the book is the idea that anything, well almost anything, will be over or different in 20 minutes.  If you can just work through it or endure for 20 minutes, the situation will probably be different.  This idea has given me so much perspective on her crying and eating issues and new teething fussiness.

So that's where I'm at lately.  And now my messy kitchen is calling me and the rug may need vacuumed.  Tell ya what though, my messy house and unfolded clothes and dirty dishes mean that I spend more time playing with my daughter during the day and talking with my husband at night than worrying about how clean my house is.  And that makes me happy, makes me feel like I got something right.  

Growing and Bathtime

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers about Norah's acid reflux.  The new formula seems to be helping some, she doesn't spit up quite as often and doesn't seem in nearly as much pain when she eats.  But it has changed the way she spits up and the volume.  Now it comes up her nose every time which makes her gasp and panic and feel like she can't breathe which is very traumatic for a three month old.  And it drenches both of us.  So while it doesn't happen every hour like before, when she does spit up it takes longer to calm her down which is discouraging at bedtime.  But we will make it.  We've only got a few more weeks until we can try out some thin rice cereal.

And that is nuts.  My little baby is almost ready to be fed cereal from a spoon like a real person.  Crazy.  She has jumped up to 3-6mo clothes and yesterday I had to buy size 2 diapers.  She is so alert and smiles at us all the time.  She likes to lay on her play mat and look at the lights in the tiger's belly.  At least I think its supposed to be a tiger even though it looks like a bear.  All the hanging toys on this mat are black and white which is the contrast that babies like and works out well for the zebra but not so much for the tigers.  And I don't think its a bear because this is like a jungle/desert animal play mat.  So we tell her its a Siberian tiger taking a vacation with a zebra, an elephant and a parrot.

She loves to dance with mommy.  She even has preferred music.  There is a group called Celtic Thunder (sort of a male version of Celtic Women, for those of you who watch lots of PBS) that performs like Irish folk stuff and other original pieces and they are her favorite.  I put it on one day like two months ago because I like it (lame and proud, darn it) and it is easy to dance around to with a baby and now that is her music.  She calms down to listen to it whenever I turn it on.  She will also accept the grooveshark.com bluegrass station if we are in the kitchen.  It is so funny that she already has such definite music preferences.  The glimpses of personality that we are getting are just amazing.

Her schedule is making life easier on both of us.  Even though bedtime is rough when she spits up and then gets upset, we still have a set routine that she seems to like.  On Sunday we were at my parent's for the Super Bowl and around 7:30 rolled around and we were still there and I was just going to feed her in a bit and let her nap in her stroller.  But she just cried and cried and would not be comforted.  The only thing I could think of was that it was bath time and bedtime and we weren't doing that.  So mom let me give her a bath there; luckily I had some PJs with us.  I had to lay her down on a towel on the floor to run the bath and I just thought she'd really scream once I put her down.  But as soon as I started the water she calmed down and just waited.  She really does love bath time.  Some days she's not so much a big fan of hair washing, but what kid is, really?  During bath time we talk about what we did that day and if it's been a rough day I tell her that we are washing this day away so we can start fresh.  Making bath time and bedtime so important was the best piece of advice I have gotten as a mother (much thanks Elizabeth and Emily!).

Now we really need to get this child's room done.  With Jay's busy work schedule its been hard for him to finish repainting the drawers for her dresser and that is really the last big task.  We bought her a new door (the old one was rubbish and it needed to open to the other side anyway) so that's done.  I'm really looking forward to having her sleep in there and playing with her more in there.  I just think that will really make it feel like she's home and really here when she's in her room.  Her own room.

One request:  Jay and I are going to finally go this week and order Aislynn a marker for her spot.  It has been something that I both wanted to get done and completely dreaded.  Its still not fair that I have to buy my own daughter the marker for her grave, but its what needs done so we can honor her properly.  Please say a prayer or send out a happy thought and some strength for us for that task.  Thank you in advance for your support.  Bye!!  :)