Awe

Hmmm....  so I had this thought this morning, "I should write a new blog post so I feel important!"  And now that I'm sitting at a keyboard and my fingers are doing typing things, I find I don't have too much exciting to say.  We did choose a color for Norah's room.  It is a lovely shade of periwinkle.  And I do love it.  I had my freak out moments.  Like when I got home from work and Jay had painted the color on the walls as a surprise to get it done and up for me.  I had a freak out because I was not emotionally prepared to see the walls change colors.  I know, completely mental but I'm pregnant and for now the crazy must be accepted.  He even had to prove to me that it wasn't "too purple" by getting a couple of my purple shirts and holding them up to the wall to show me that if we (or she someday) wanted to hang purple stuff on the walls, it wouldn't look like just an obsession with purple.

My lovely boss at work is getting us the tree decal we wanted for the wall as a baby shower gift.  She is a unique kind of hippie-ish artist, engineer-type person and is just so thrilled that I'm doing something "so out there for me" like putting a tree on a wall, that she insisted that got to be her gift.  She has also been commenting on how being pregnant has introduced more color to my wardrobe and walls and wouldn't believe me when I told her the clothes are because they don't make preggo clothes in drab.

As we get Norah's room ready, there is so much joy at the idea of this little person Jay and I made getting to see the space we have created for her.  But as a counter point to that joy, is the aching pain of knowing that my other daughter, our Aislynn, won't be there.  The grief comes in these kind of gut-wrenching waves sometimes, kind of like standing in a storm.  The wind picks up and is so hard to stand against that you just have to give into it for a bit and grieve and cry.  And then the wind shifts and is almost calm and for a moment it sounds like the earth is sighing and lightening ripples through the clouds and slices through the grief with this beautiful, majestic brilliance.  Those moments are when my girl kicks and moves and reminds me that she has a task here, a task given to her by her God himself, and when that task is over she must obey and go home so that she can watch over us from afar.  She has given us so much joy, our Aislynn has.  She and Norah have already made us stronger and more committed and better.  These tiny girls have already made us parents.  Aislynn reminds us its not the number of days you are given but the impact your life can have that matters and the joy you can show others.  Norah helps me see that life will go on, it may not be exactly what we imagined it would be but it does keep going.  We will keep going in joy and hope and laughter for Norah and for Aislynn.  For Norah, to teach her that with those things you can survive anything.  And for Aislynn, because, well, someday when it is my turn to go home, when I get to see her again, I want her to be proud of me.

Wow, okay then.  So much for the not having much to say.  I want to say thank you to those of you who read this for giving me this outlet for my words.  Sometimes, like today, they are words I didn't even know I needed to release.  Back to some lighter-hearted stuff, can I get a "Whoop-Whoop" for having our dishwasher installed this weekend?!?!?  Awww-yea.  My dad and Jay are going to put in our new dishwasher so I don't....wait that's not true.....so Jay doesn't have to do the dishes any more.  (He really has been good about the dishes.)

That's all from the Heininger front for this Friday morning.  Have an awesome day, people!!  (And by "awesome" I mean it in it's true definition.  Find something that inspires awe today.  Mine was my kicking babies as the sun came up and painted the sky in orange and pink.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find awe.)